MOSFILM
The ‘Luch’ Artistic Association
THE DIAMOND ARM
A screen novel in two parts
from the life of smugglers, with prologue and epilogue.
Screenplay by
M. SLOBODSKY Ya. KISTYUKOVSKY, L. GAIDAI
Directed by Leonid GAIDAI
Photographed in the air, on the earth, on the water and underwater
by Director of Photography Igor CHERNYKH
Production Designer F. YASYUKEVICH
Music by A. ZATSEPIN
Sound by Ye. INDLINA Conductor - E. KHACHATURIAN
Lyrics by L. DERBENYOV
The Studio wishes to thank the organizations and persons
that had provided for the shooting
real diamonds and gold.
This film has been photographed by a half-hidden camera.
THE DIAMOND ARM
Starring
Nina GREBESHKOVA
Nonna MORDYUKOVA Svetlana SVETLICHNAYA
Anatoly PAPANOV Andrei MIRONOV
Stanislav CHEKAN Vladimir GULYAEV
Also starring
Ye. MELNIKOVA A. FAIT, N. ROMANOV
G. SHPIGEL, L. KANEVSKY
And also...
V. OSTROVSKAYA, S. KHOLINA T. NIKULINA, R. FILIPPOV
N. TROFIMOV, A. YACHNITSKY L. POLYAKOV, G. KACHIN
Besides,
A. KHVYLYA, G. SVETLANI A. KOZUBSKY, V. KUPRIYANOV
I. VASSILENKO I. ZHEVAGO, V. URALSKY
And with
Sasha LISYUTINA Mitya NIKOLAYEV
And at last...
With the participation of
YURI NIKULIN
Part One
THE DIAMOND IS ALMOST INVISIBLE
We bring you a live broadcast from our sea port.
This snow-white liner is to depart on its next cruise,
carrying a large contingent of Soviet tourists
on a very fascinating voyage.
- Hello! - Hello.
What is your name, please?
Semyon Semyonovich Gorbunkov.
- And what’s your occupation? - Senior bookkeeper.
Is there something you would like to say to our dear listeners
before leaving for this fascinating journey?
As a matter of fact, I didn’t want to go.
I was about to buy my wife a fur coat.
The fur coat can wait. It’s more important to see the world.
He works day and night... The fur coat can wait.
So you’ve never before...
No. We never travelled farther than Dubrovka.
Is it your first trip abroad, too?
- I’m not going. - We’ve come to say goodbye to dad.
Fish Street. That’s an important street there. The Chikanuk pharmacy.
Lyolik, I remember it all.
Everything you do must look very real. You fall down and swear...
‘Damned apple!’ No...’Damned melon!’
Keep that in mind!
The injury... Everything should be true to life.
As our chief says, ‘The most important thing in our business is realism.’
Happy landings, tourist!
No, don’t... Just go!
- Good morning! - Good morning!
- Is this Cabin 16? - Yes, it’s 16.
Are you bunking here, too?
Yes. I’m Gennady Petrovich Kozodoyev.
Semyon Semyonovich Gorbunkov.
- I hope we’ll become friends. - Oh, I think so.
- Are you bringing along souvenirs? - No.
- I have some here... - Vodka?
MIKHAIL SVETLOV
Day Seven of this fascinating cruise...
I love the song about hares.
Senya, it’s not topical, about hares!
‘Island of Bad Luck’!
All covered with greenery, Absolutely, stark,
Lies in our itinerary An island of bad luck.
There live the savages, Poor, wretched guys,
Faces bear ravages, But kind under disguise.
Whatever they’re doing, It never goes right.
They must be born to ruin On a very black Friday night.
Crocodiles not caught, Coconuts won’t grow.
They weep and pray to God For days and days in a row.
They are no idlers, They could have had a ball.
They ought to cancel Fridays Once and for all.
But, alas, no calendar On the isle, there’s not!
Every living islander Just goes for a naught.
But, alas, no calendar On damn isle, there’s not!
That’s why poor savages, From early morn till night,
Counting their damages, Lament over their plight.
The poor devils moan, Cursing their fate.
What year is unknown, As is unknown the date.
...Finally, here is the last port of call
before returning to their motherland...
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re now in what is called the old town.
During the rule of the great Emperor Shumunshin-Shah the Third,
on these heights, the Imperial architects had built
a marvelous ensemble,
which included a palace, a mosque,
a 1,200-bed harem, and many other... similar delights.
Have you gone crazy?
Something’s wrong. She wants me to go and see.
Hey, no, no, impossible!
- What does she want? - I'll tell you later.
Lady, Senora, Frau, Miss, it’s out of the question.
Russo turista, capito, moralita! Verstehen? That’s it!
But what does she want?
We are most grateful to you. It was a very interesting excursion.
Attention, please! Now everyone will be on his own.
You can walk around the town.
But at five o’clock sharp, everyone must be back on board.
See you later.
Guesha! Why are you leaving me in the lurch?
I didn’t leave you. I was waiting.
Let’s go this way.
Where’s he?
Don’t worry, he’ll come.
- The password is ‘Damned melon’? - Damned melon.
Are you sure he’s on the SS ‘Mikhail Svetlov’?
We were assured that he was.
The ship is leaving in an hour!
Shut up!
Sorry, I guess I lost my temper.
You know...
Guesha!
Excuse me, Miss...
Damned melon!
- Russo? - Yes.
- ‘Mikhail Svetlov’? - Yes, yes.
Damned melon. Damned melon...
What’s wrong with him?
It’s a very bad sprain. He’s even lost consciousness.
Let’s get down to work.
Damned melon! .
‘Mikhail Svetlov’...
Damned melon!
Russo? ‘Mikhail Svetlov’?
Why didn’t you use your brains?
But the other one gave the password too. ‘Damned melon’.
There follows an untranslatable play on words
with the use of local idiomatic expressions.
Comrades, it’s time! The ship leaves in half an hour!
Those idiots claimed he was unconscious.
So the poor fool has no idea what’s going on.
That’s perfect!
What’s this?
Nothing. Just contraband items someone’s trying to smuggle in.
Don’t worry. Calm down... Drink some of this.
I never touch the stuff.
Haven’t you read about it in ‘House and Home’? Doctors recommend it.
It will calm your nervous system and soothe your arteries.
Drink up.
Captain, what do I do now?
Nothing. Just have fun and relax.
But don’t breathe a word to anyone about that contraband stuff.
And if someone wants to know what happened to my arm?
Say you slipped, fell down and got a closed fracture.
You were knocked out, and when you came to, it was already in a cast.
I slipped, fell down, a closed fracture.
I was knocked out, I came to-a plaster cast.
And don’t worry, I’ll notify everyone concerned.
Thank you very much.
Don’t you remember a thing?
Be careful!
- Why? I remember very well. - You remember what?
I slipped... got knocked out.
When I came to, I had this cast. That’s all!
- I wish I fell instead of you. - Thanks. That’s nice of you, Guesha.
Please, take care of your arm, Senya.
Nadia is going to be upset.
‘That’s c’est la vie,’ as Frenchmen say.
I’m sorry, friend!
Are you finished? Must I go already?
Yes, move along, you’re in the way.
- You’re through with me? - That’s right.
Could it be that the Captain didn’t notify the customs? What do I do now?
There he is! The stuff is safe. As safe as in a safe.
And the key?
To quote our chief’s immortal words, ‘Once a halfwit always a halfwit.’
- I don’t get it. - You’ll get it. Let’s go to the chief!
Hands off me!
- Where are we going? - Home.
So you had a look at some foreign ports?
Yes, foreign ports.
Where should I go? To the police? Or home?
This is the way home.
I didn’t give him my address. Where’s he taking me?
There’s just one road here that goes into the city.
I want to go to Morskaya Street, number 21, apartment 9.
entrance three, third floor.
What’s wrong with your arm?
Why is he interested in my arm? He looks suspicious.
I slipped, fell down, got knocked out, came to already in a cast.
Excuse me, you’re an amateur actor, aren’t you?
Yes, that’s right.
Why did I lie to him? Why did he ask me?
He’s trying to get information from me. He looks more and more suspicious.
Why did he turn there? He should have kept going straight.
The highway’s blocked for repairs. We should make a detour.
- Stop! Let’s give them a lift! - I can’t. It’s against regulations.
He didn’t pick up those girls. He’s not a taxi driver. He’s a bandit.
Why did you wait to tell him who you were?
I wanted to check if he’s really fit for the job.
Did he prove it?
He proved it, Colonel. He’s perfect!
I never dreamed that he’d...
Hit you with the cast?
Yes, sir! I probably should have...
No sense in it. Does he agree?
He agrees. But still, I think we might...
No sense in it.
- May I suggest... - You may not!
- Maybe you'll let me... - Yes, do that.
This operation is your baby. Act as you see right.
Now go on with your report.
Yes, sir. When we became better acquainted, I outlined our plan...
What do I do now?
Nothing. Live as usual. They’re going to bite the bait.
They’ll be watching you, we’ll be watching them.
As soon as they try to get the cast, we’ll close the trap.
Like I’m the live bait. I know, I’m a fisherman myself.
They might offer to pay a ransom, but I can bargain too.
I don’t think so. They’re convinced you don’t know a thing.
They’ll want their goods back, without paying and without your noticing.
How can they take a plaster cast off without my noticing?
I’m not sure how they’ll try to do it, but they can get you drunk,
drug you or knock you out.
It’s no problem to do it on someone who’s knocked out or even dead.
Who’s dead?
But I don’t really think it’ll go that far.
Couldn’t you let someone else
wear this plaster cast for a little while?
Well, you can always say no.
No, I’m no coward, I’m just afraid.
Afraid I won’t be able to do it.
Every man can do many things,
but, sadly enough, not everyone is aware of it.
That’s right, it happens so often.
Let’s set up the liaison.
Now what are you doing, Semyon Semyonovich?
How are we going to organize it? In case we must speak to you...
Come to my place.
And when you must speak to us...
I’ll call a taxi and give my name.
Then I’ll come, or maybe my assistant. Everything clear?
Thanks very, very much. And I’m sorry I was so...
Forget it, we’ve seen much worse.
Won’t you come up and meet my wife?
We’ve already agreed, nobody must know about this.
- Not even Nadia? - No one.
I understand.
Semyon Semyonovich! Your bags...
Senya, the door.
Welcome back, Semyon Semyonovich!
Sorry that I’m so late.
But my social work comes first.
What’s wrong with your arm?
On Wednesday you’re giving a lecture.
We’ve put up the posters.
You’re the only one from our community who has ever been there.
The subject is ‘New York, City of Contrasts’.
I haven’t been to New York, I’ve been to Istanbul.
‘Istanbul, City of Contrasts’. What difference does it make?
But what about your arm?
A closed fracture. I was knocked out. When I came to, I had this cast on.
So unpretentious, but in good taste.
That’s really nice!
Oh yes, so what’s it about your arm?
That’s for you. A souvenir.
Thank you, Semyon Semyonovich!
Just press the button.
- Isn’t it funny? - Very funny.
Thanks.
Did you see Sophia Loren?
Did you drink Coca-Cola?
How does it taste?
Go to sleep.
Doctors recommend it. It’ll help me sleep.
I read it in the ‘House and Home’ magazine.
Tell me exactly what did you do to your arm?
I slipped, I fell down, and got a closed fracture.
I knocked myself out, when I came to I had this cast on.
I heard all that already. Please tell me the truth, horrible as it may be.
I walked in the street and I slipped...
You never knew how to lie, did you?
I know what happened.
Who told you?
I’m sure it’s not a closed fracture.
What have you got there?
Gold and diamonds.
Stop kidding!
You haven’t got a closed fracture. You got a compound fracture!
Let’s go to bed now.
You should be killed for that!
Please don’t beat me! I’ll fix everything!
I want to see you dead!
I want to see you in your grave, with a shroud around you!
I want to see you living only on your salary!
Victor, can’t you read?
‘Dogs walking not allowed!’
Mommy, look!
Oh, get down from there!
Our lawns aren’t made to walk on!
- Then what are they made for? - Their aesthetic beauty!
Then where can I walk him?
You can walk him in your flat!
What is this? Good morning!
I’ve been to London. There, dogs walk anywhere they want.
Dog is man’s best friend.
It may be in London that dog is man’s best friend,
but here, man’s best friend is the superintendent.
Treasure handed to government
Old man!
Have you got a light?
- What? You deaf and dumb? - Right!
I thought so...
There he is!
He’s an idiot.
There’s no problem. We’ll trap him! It’ll be easy.
Invite him to go fishing at the Black Stones.
Like we agreed. And arrange to spend the night there.
Only do things right.
Like give flowers to his old lady, and ice-cream to both brats.
If only you can remember all that, Lord Nelson!
You lamebrain! The ice-cream’s for the brats!
Oh, my eye? It’s nothing, it’s getting better.
Senya, how’s your arm? No pain?
Can you move your fingers? No, no, the other arm.
Good, you’ll be okay.
You’re his friend. Please, use your influence.
He doesn’t take his arm seriously.
You know what’s wrong with daddy’s arm? It’s not what he tells everybody.
And what is it?
He’s got a compound fracture, not a closed one.
Now go to your mama.
Senya, let’s go trout fishing with me.
To the Black Stones. We’ll rent a boat and spend the night there, huh?
No, not for the night. My arm might catch cold.
- Let’s go in the morning. - Anything you say.
- So, at the crack of dawn then? - Right!
What are you doing?!
Put down the gun and apologize this very minute!
Such a charming child!
Our fashions were created by
designer Margarita Semyonova,
architect Rogal Levitskaya,
chief designer Albert Mudrik.
Here is our summer combination outfit ‘Universal-69’,
which earned a prize of encouragement
at the regional modern garment forum in Zhitomir.
The original feature of this model
being that you can very easily change the coat into a jacket.
But that’s not all!
With just a twist of your wrist,
your trousers are changed...
the trousers are changed...
to elegantly looking shorts.
You will forgive us the delay due to a technical incident.
And finally, we present our latest model,
a beach ensemble
‘Mini-bikini-69’.
Why is the chief here?
The plan’s been changed. You’ll pull off the operation at White Rock.
- Why? - Not such a big crowd there.
They don’t bite at White Rock!
They’ll bite so well that our customer will forget about everything.
Is all the rest according to the plan?
Everything’s the same otherwise. You’ll knock him out a little...
You know, that’s not artistic.
But it’s cheap and very practical.
Chip off the plaster and we split.
What about my alibi?
Try and get marks of violence on your face.
But I’m begging you to...
Don’t you worry, Kozlodoyev.
Kozodoyev!
Kozlodoyev!
I’ll bash you real carefully, but hard.
Good evening.
Where are you going so late at night?
I’m going fishing early in the morning, and I forgot to go to the baker’s.
There’s one open at the other end of town.
Poor guy!
To think that it should’ve been me.
Get drunk and it’ll be you.
Let’s load him on.
Good evening, Semyon Semyonovich!
But I don’t know you.
- Call me Volodya. - Senya.
I bring you greetings from Mikhail Ivanovich.
He wants to see you urgently.
- When? - Why not now?
Then I’ll be late to buy bread.
Don’t worry, I’ve got my car.
Well, thanks very much, Volodya. Good night.
I wish you a good fishing trip.
You’re sure you’ll be going to the Black Stones?
Yes.
Good night then!
Our tenants don’t go to the baker’s in a taxi.
I guess this is it. Or maybe...
We shouldn’t have come here. The fish bite better at Black Stones.
They’re going to bite so well here that you’ll forget about everything.
Help!
Help me!
SOS!
Lyolik!
Idiot!
Mama! I’m going to die!
Lyolik!
Help!
Mama!
- Why are you yelling like that? - Don’t interfere, boy!
Let’s pray to our Lord...
Get out of my way, milksop! Get out of here!
There go ducks flying...
As well as two geese...
The chief’s giving us a big chance to make it up to him.
The place for this new operation under the code name ‘ wild duck’...
will be a restaurant called ‘The Weeping Willow Tree’.
Straight north of the building, about a hundred yards off,
there’re toilettes of a john kind...
which are designated on the map by the letters ‘M’ and ‘W’.
The path leading to the toilettes goes by a spruce tree,
where I will be.
That’ll be our stationing.
Your mission is to invite the customer to the restaurant for dinner,
then bring him to the right condition until he wants... to wash up.
After you show him the way,
you immediately regain your original position.
You’ve got an alibi no one will challenge,
while our customer, passing by the spruce tree, gets into my hands.
Everything that follows is just a matter of expertise.
But how am I going to bring him to the right condition? He doesn’t drink.
To quote our chief, ‘When there’s a sucker who pays
you’ll see teetotalers drink, including those who have ulcers.’
With just a salary to live on, you can’t take taxis!
Give me a hundred tickets.
If you buy them, just imagine, you can win...
A fire engine!
Stop your advertising. I’m not buying tickets to win.
Peddle these tickets to our tenants.
If they won’t buy, I’ll cut off their gas.
Is everything perfectly clear?
Hang around all the markets,
and the free exchange stores. Be seen in the restaurants.
Let people see you as much as you can.
Here, for your expenses.
No, no, I wouldn’t think of it!
Please, no initiative. Take it, it’s five hundred rubles.
In the new denomination?
- Something wrong with your head? - I hid the cash.
- Come on, Semyon Semyonovich... - I got it.
And take this.
What’s that for?
You can never tell.
I haven’t had it in my hands since the war.
It’s not a real gun, it’s rather psychological.
You can use it to scare someone. We loaded it with blanks.
Can’t I have a real one? You can never tell.
- No, you’d better not. - I see.
Semyon Semyonovich, what’s the matter with you?
That’s how it should be.
The Weeping Willow Tree Restaurant
Fedya, we’d like to have also... a wild duck.
No problem.
- What are we going to drink? - Beer for me, huh?
A bottle of vodka and a bottle of cognac. And two bottles of beer.
Oh, I forgot to call my mother. One second...
Good evening! I told Fedya to bring a wild duck.
I hope you have some?
Lyolik, I’m waiting.
Soon our customer will be ripe.
I saw the chief. He’s here.
- Is this one taken? - Yes, sorry.
That’s it. Here we go again.
Keep calm. And don’t sit there. Act.
Excuse me, where’s the telephone?
Thanks.
This is Semyon Semyonovich Gorbunkov.
Please send a taxi to the Weeping Willow Restaurant.
It’s urgent.
Well, shall we start?
No, no, I’ve got my beer.
He’s watching me. Let him see that I’m drinking.
- Here’s to your bonus. - And may it not be the last one.
After the first drink, one never eats.
Let’s drink some vodka to your health!
All right.
Have a chaser.
I’ll bet that if anyone of you had found a treasure,
you would have done exactly like I did.
What are you going to do with your reward?
For the money that the state has to pay me by law...
on my friends’ advice,
I’m going to buy a Moskvitch car.
The very latest model!
One second.
The customer is nearly ripe. You better get ready!
I’m always ready! You idiot!
- What do you want? - To see you, pal.
- Don’t you recognize me? - I don’t think so.
- Let’s have a drink. - Why not?
I didn’t recognize you right away either.
Why did you shave your mustache?
I said, why did you shave off your mustache, dumbbell?
Whose mustache?
- To whom have I the honor? - I went to school with this dumbbell.
Why did Volodya shave his mustache?
Senya, hurry up and tell the comrade why Volodya shaved his mustache.
We’ve got very little time.
Sorry, I’m mistaken.
If you’d had a mustache, you’d be the double of Volodya Trynkin.
- At what time does your plane leave? - Yes, the plane...
If you get a chance to go to Siberia...
If you get a chance to go to Siberia, you’ll be very welcome.
Why don’t you better come to see us?
See you around.
I’m glad he’s not the smuggler. He looks like a likable guy.
Why did I drink all that stuff?
Senya, are you in the right condition?
- What condition? - The right one?
No!
- In that case, one more drink... - No!
You must!
Senya, do you respect me?
I do, but I’m through.
- Then I’m going to bite you. - Go ahead.
Guesha, people are staring.
- Will you drink with the duck? - Why not?
- Fedya, the duck! - The duck!
- Is that a duck? - That’s a duck!
They don’t drink vodka with duck.
We must drink...
I get you. Fedya, champagne!
- Here’s to you. - Thanks.
Perhaps you wish to wash up a bit?
You heard what he said? Time to wash up! Let’s go.
- And the duck? - It won’t fly away. It’s cooked.
Behave yourself... Hurry up!
Straight north of the place, about a hundred yard walk.
Now what?
Senya!
Song about the hares!
In the heart of the woods
Where leaves twirl in flight,
Where age-old oaks Loom like wizardly gods,
Hares mowed the grass In a grove at midnight,
And they sang a strange song With the following words:
We couldn’t care less, We couldn’t care less,
Though owls and wolves Make us real wuss.
We’ve got a job to do
At this hour of voodoo,
We’re mowing the grass, A truly magic grass.
And the wizardly oaks Whisper something in darkness.
By the stench-soaked bogs, Shadows loom in the rain.
Hares mow their grass, Feeling lost, feeling luckless,
And out of fright Hasten their refrain:
We couldn’t care less, We couldn’t care less,
Though owls and wolves Make us real wuss.
We’ve got a job to do At this hour of voodoo,
We’re mowing the grass, A truly magic grass.
We couldn’t care less, We couldn’t care less,
We firmly believe In the saying of the past,
That bold’ll be the one
Who thrice this has done:
At the hour of voodoo
Mowed magic grass.
We couldn’t care less, We couldn’t care less,
Bolder we’ll be Than the lion, king of beast!
We’ll hold out once, We won’t screw this chance,
And no evil thing Will ruffle us in the least!
We couldn’t care less, We couldn’t care less,
Bolder we’ll be Than the lion, king of beast!
We’ll hold out once, We won’t screw this chance,
And no evil thing Will ruffle us in the least!
Something has to be done.
We won’t put up with drunkenness!
But you know very well, Varvara Sergeyevna, that...
I know a lot more than you do, my dear. Where did he get the money?
He was invited by a friend who had gotten a bonus.
According to police records, just for one bay window he broke
he paid ninety seven rubles and eighteen kopecks.
Where did he get that kind of money?
Your husband has changed since that cruise.
The corruptive Western influence.
Those idiotic toys.
And the thing he said about dogs. ‘The best friend of man.’
It’s odd, and this is only an understatement.
All those elements of ‘la dolce vita’!
I wouldn’t be surprised to hear
that your husband’s secretly seeing a mistress.
What?!
- Is this yours? - Mine.
- And where did you get it? - You know where.
That cruise, huh?
He’s been enrolled in a spy ring!
How could he do that?
He’s so naive.
His arm... They tortured him! Why didn’t I think of it before?
Oh, my God!
We couldn’t care less...
What am I going to do? And what happens to the children?
Such a disgrace!
There’s only one way out.
Just one way out...
Just one.
Enough!
Only aristocrats and degenerates drink champagne in the morning.
We’re going to see the chief right now!
I can’t go in my condition.
I need to take a bath at least,
and a cup of coffee.
You’ll get your bath all right there, and coffee, too.
Even some cocoa with tea! Let’s go!
Let’s go, Guesha.
Nadia! Nadia, honey!
Senya, calm down.
There’s a way out.
You must go to the police and tell them everything.
- About what? - Your treason.
SHAME ON THE DRUNKARD AND DEBAUCHER S.S. GORBUNKOV!
How could you possibly imagine that?
You, my wife, mother of my children!
Oh no! Not that!
How else could I possibly explain it?
You could imagine anything, but not that!
Oh, this is the end!
Where did you get that gun and that money?
Shut up, you wretched soul! Shut up!
Senya, tell me, where did you get that pistol and that money?
I beg you, please tell me!
All right, I will tell you. But don’t say a word to anyone!
I swear.
It’s a state secret.
That money and that gun were given me to help me with my mission.
- What mission? - Sorry, I can’t tell you that.
When the time comes, you’ll know everything.
You might even... get a reward...
After I’m gone!
That’s a marvelous plan, chief!
At twelve o’clock it will be ready to roll.
A genius!
Good morning.
- Good morning. - Bon jour, Madame.
I’m enchanted to welcome you in this modest, but rather cozy...
Salut, wonder boy!
The chief sent me.
Everything is ready.
- The papers? - The passport is right here.
- Which joint? - Hotel Atlantic.
A nice double room, all prepaid.
- The guy? - Front view. Profile.
The fee?
An advance, for starters.
One pill will be enough.
Excuse me, haven’t you got the same thing, but without the wings?
No, sorry, we haven’t.
Well, I’ll look around.
Haven’t you got something like this, but with mother-of-pearl buttons?
No, sorry, we haven’t any.
Well, I’ll have a look around.
- Who, me? - Yes.
Excuse me. I overheard you...
I’ve got what you’re looking for, with the mother-of-pearl buttons.
Only it’s in my suitcase at the hotel.
- Do you need it badly? - Yes.
Then I’ll give you my address.
Hotel Atlantic. It’s not far from here.
Will nine o’clock be convenient for you?
All right then.
Here you are. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you.
Nine sharp. Hotel Atlantic. Room 327. Anna Sergeyevna.
I have a gut feeling it’s a real fish this time.
What does she look like?
I see.
Keep on your toes. I expect a better show from you than last night.
I don’t drink at all. A friend invited me.
By the way, how is he after last night?
I don’t know, he didn’t phone.
All right, go to the hotel and act depending on the situation.
There might be accomplices there, check it out.
Is your gun with you?
The psychic one.
We’ll hear your signal. The note, please.
Chanel, number five.
I’ll be seeing you!
Where are you going? Ah, your mission.
- Be careful! - I’ll be all right.
I’ll be back soon.
Hotel Atlantic
- The customer’s here. - Perfect.
Hello, Five? He just went in.
Roger. Out.
Hotel Atlantic. Room 327. Anna Sergeyevna. Nine o’clock.
Come in!
At last!
Good evening. Have a seat. I’ll be right with you.
What are you up to?
What’s the matter?
My cuff link. It rolled under there.
Here, it came off.
You nearly frightened me to death.
Let me help you.
I thought something had really gone wrong.
See, my heart’s thumping like crazy.
Feel it.
I feel it.
As soon as he’s asleep, she’ll turn out the lights.
What if he leaves?
- Could you leave a girl like that? - But he’s a faithful husband.
There is no husband
who has not longed to be a bachelor at least for an hour.
Look out for the signal!
How about that gown?
A friend’s going to bring it in a minute or two.
- Do you mind waiting? - No, I don’t mind.
In the meantime, would you like some wine?
I’d rather have... beer.
I only have wine.
Here’s to our chance encounter.
Come on, drink!
What’s keeping your friend? Maybe, I’ll come back another time?
Who cares about her anyway?
My gown is as good as hers.
Let me show you.
It’s not my fault, I swear!
He came here on his own!
I saw your special mission.
After such a monstrous lie, I will not stay with you any longer!
I’m sure the children will understand when they grow up.
I’ll take care of the divorce formalities. Goodbye.
Good morning.
I’ve got to leave right now for Dubrovka.
Right! But not now.
Tomorrow we’ll send you a taxi. Will eight o’clock be all right?
But why not today?
Today we’ll need your help.
We want you to meet your friend.
The one you took a fishing trip with. The man who invited you to dinner.
Ah, Gennady Petrovich...
You’ll see him and tell him casually
that at eight o’clock tomorrow, you plan to go out to Dubrovka.
And, most importantly, you’ll tell him, also casually,
that the cast’s coming off your arm the day after tomorrow.
- Is it Guesha? - Yes.
Then why haven’t you...
We didn’t want to scare off a more important fish.
ANNOUNCING COMRADELY TRIAL
OF THE DEBAUCHER AND DRUNKARD S.S. GORBUNKOV
- You sing beautifully! - Oh, come on...
Have you known citizen Gorbunkov for long?
Yes, ten years, sorry to say.
So for ten years he hit the bottle, debauched and led an immoral life?
For ten years he has very cleverly masked himself
as a decent person. I didn’t trust him, though.
Don’t you think we must always trust people?
I don’t think you can ever trust a man
except in the most extreme cases.
- That’s really your opinion? - Yes.
Listen... who are you anyway?
I work with him. Say, he’s a colleague.
I see. Booze partner.
You get out of here!
As you say among yourselves, back to your cage!
All right, but just one question. Did you use good glue to put it up?
Don’t worry, lush, you can’t rip it off!
Now take it off, please.
Chief, we’re done for.
The cast is going to be removed, the customer’s leaving...
I’ll kill him! .
Where are you going so early in the morning?
To see my family at Dubrovka.
Did you call for a taxi to go to Dubrovka?
Yes, I did.
Get in.
- Goodbye. - Have a nice trip.
Why didn’t Mikhail Ivanovich come?
And Volodya?
Are they busy?
- What is your rank? - What rank?
Are you like Volodya, a lieutenant in the police?
A lieutenant... First Lieutenant...
May l, to impress my wife, call you that?
Comrade First Lieutenant?
- Is it all right if I do? - Yeah, sure.
And please be sure to tell her
that you put me on a special mission that evening at the hotel.
And for her not to get worried, just keep quiet
about smugglers, diamonds and gold.
Keep quiet? It can’t be done.
I have to consult about it with the chief... with those above me.
- With Mikhail Ivanovich? - Yes, with Mikhail Ivanovich.
Give him my best regards.
Hello? Chief? It’s me...
Chief, this is me, Lyolik!
He took off for Dubrovka twenty minutes ago.
In a taxi. It was a beige ‘Volga’. The number was 28-70 OGO.
Roger. I got it.
Guesha is nineteen kilometers out.
To hell with him anyhow. Roger.
We’re going by a new operational plan,
keeping a low profile.
Mikhail Ivanovich sends his regards.
Everything’s going to be all right, and even better.
Your old lady will get you fit as a fiddle, without a cast.
Mikhail Ivanovich has ordered the cast removed today.
- You’ve caught him? - You bet we have.
- And who is it? - Some dimwit.
Why go back to your place? No point in wasting time.
We’ve got a spot by the road where we can knock the cast off.
To quote our dear chief... Mikhail Ivanovich,
you’ve got to strike the iron when you’re close to the swag.
We’re going to reduce it to shreds and get at every stone and coin in it.
Could you please take inventory and make a list of everything?
Sure, we’re going to do it all legal,
with receipts and everything. We’ll even take your finger prints.
Our operation will take at most about fifteen minutes.
Soften down the plaster while I pick all the stuff up.
Lots of work.
Gee, you’ve got everything it takes, haven’t you?
We’ve got to scarper.
The chief just gave me the order to find another pad.
So we move out of here.
Your mustache... one side has come off.
Thanks.
Hands up!
Copter Seven, what do you see on the road? Will you report?
All I see is a milk truck
going towards town.
No sign of any taxi. Am keeping on observing.
End of Part One
MOSFILM
THE DIAMOND ARM
A screen novel in two parts from the life of smugglers,
with prologue and epilogue.
Synopsis of Part One.
Part Two
THE BONY LEG
No beige taxi ever entered Dubrovka.
Will you inspect Quadrangle 45!
Stop!
Stop! Wait!
- Could you take me to town please? - What’s up?
It’s a top secret affair of State!
- All right, climb in. - You’ve got to hurry!
I’m just learning to drive, don’t you see?
We’re short of time!
Time is money. When you see money, don’t lose time.
We must strike the iron when we’re close to the swag.
Hands up!
Both of you! Or this thing will go off!
They did it all for nothing. There’re no diamonds in there.
There’re not?
Who ever told you they were in the plaster?
That man with the false mustache figured the same thing.
The police took them long ago, chief.
Hey, hold it! Stop, you morons!
To quote an old friend of mine who’s now buried,
‘I knew too much.’
Seven calling Five and reporting
that a cherry-colored ‘Moskvitch’ has been spotted
on the forest road
speeding toward the national border.
Seven, listen to my orders!
Mama!
Lyolik, stop it!
Easy, Kozlodoyev, there’ll be room for all of us in the can!
NINA GREBESHKOVA
STANISLAV CHEKAN
VLADIMIR GULYAEV
ANDREl MIRONOV
ANATOLY PAPANOV
SVETLANA SVETLICHNAYA
NONNA MORDYUKOVA
YURI NIKULIN
The End